


to love and to be loved

by falloutgirl



Category: Sense8 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, and ot8 fam feels too tbh, i just love fam feels ok ok, this is kala/wolfgang with like wolfgang/felix fam feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-04-04 09:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4132260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloutgirl/pseuds/falloutgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He sits atop a building in Berlin, gazing up at the open night sky, wondering when his life tipped its axis, when stealing jewels and hating Steiner and the rest of his shitty family became nothing but a small blip on his radar. He wonders when long soft black curls, a beautiful lilting accent, warm yellow marigolds and the sweetly spicy scent of jasmine became all he could think about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	to love and to be loved

**Author's Note:**

> its like 2am and i wrote this in 1 hour i don't even know if it makes sense i'm so sorry, i'm just so hype on this ship and this tv show good god, also fyi i dont think the doctor was named in the show so i gave him a name (if he was sorry oops)

It’s been five days since he killed his uncle, five days since he helped Will save Riley, and five days since the last time he’s seen Kala. Wolfgang knows it’s mostly because he doesn’t _want_ to see her, or at least, see the way she’ll look at him now. After the dust has settled. After the shock of watching him kill someone in cold blood right in front of her eyes suddenly registers in her mind and she realizes without a doubt that he is nothing more than a killer. Nothing more than a monster.

He sits atop a building in Berlin, gazing up at the open night sky, wondering when his life tipped its axis, when stealing jewels and hating Steiner and the rest of his shitty family became nothing but a small blip on his radar. He wonders when long soft black curls, a beautiful lilting accent, warm yellow marigolds and the sweetly spicy scent of jasmine became all he could think about.

Wolfgang doesn’t want to think about what this means for him. He wants to go back, go back to when his only concern was Felix and his shitty jokes and half formed stories, when cracking the uncrackable safe was his crowning glory, and when he didn’t _care_ about anything other than putting one foot in front of the other. But instead, Felix is in a private hospital still in a fucking coma, he’s got half a bag of diamonds he doesn’t know what to do with and his entire family’s been shot to shit at his uncle’s house. Oh, and the fact that he’s now got seven other selves to deal with too.

Wolfgang closes his eyes. He starts humming a nonsensical tune, before realizing it is the same song he sang at the bar. The same song that he heard sung back at him in seven different voices, the same song he heard in seven different ways, and the same song he heard when he first met face to face with the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. Wolfgang sighs and shakes his head. He will not think about her. He will not bring her here. She does not want to see him. (He knows it’s a lie. It always is.)

 “What’s going on?” He half-sings to himself, “what’s going on…”

-

He visits Felix in the private hospital and calls him Conan. The nurses and doctors always turn a blind eye when he’s there, and nobody ever bothers him when he stays past visiting hours. Dr. Müller, the one Wolfgang gave specific instructions to, stops by once during his visit.

“He’s showing good progress,” Dr. Müller says, “the medications are working and he is healing. He’s lucky that bullet didn’t hit 9cm to the left. It would have collided right with his heart.”

Dr. Müller gives Wolfgang a short nod before leaving the room.

“Lucky,” Wolfgang says as he grabs one of Felix’s hands. “ _’That which does not kill us makes us stronger.’_ ”

He hears Felix’s heart monitor give a beep that sounds like a response, and it makes him smile.

_-_

Wolfgang finds himself sitting outside the café in the pouring rain once again, the smell of marigolds still fresh in his mind. He can feel the warm sun of Mexico City on his left, and the chilly winds of Chicago to his right. Wolfgang can feel Lito’s happiness as he slow dances with Hernando, can feel Capheus’ cheerfulness like a blanket of warmth covering his skin, and he can feel Sun’s meditated anger at his brother. He understands what that feels like, to hate your family. He sends her a mental nudge and she replies back in kind.

“Are you getting sappy on me, Wolfgang?” She humors him. Sun is the first one of the seven who he’s seen since the rescue mission.

“Of course not.” Wolfgang replies but they both know it’s a lie.

Being around Kala, being connected to Capheus, feeling the love and life that flows in each of the others has made him want to reach inside himself and claw away the anger, claw away the self-loathing, claw away the years and years of wishing for a happy family and feeling like he’d never get one. It was always just him and Felix and now he doesn’t even have that. When Wolfgang opens his eyes, he knows that Sun is gone. He doesn’t feel the heat of Mexico or the chill of Chicago anymore. The smell of marigolds and jasmine however, have never been stronger.

Wolfgang breathes in deeply. This is enough.

-

He visits Felix again because he doesn’t know what else to do. Felix is all he has. Is all he _needs_. Felix is his family. Wolfgang tells himself this over and over again until the thoughts of rooftops in Mumbai and spicy curry leave his mind. Until the feeling of the dry humid air disappears and until the press of soft lips like rainwater evaporate in a puff of smoke. He’s _fine._ He tells himself. (He knows it’s a lie. It always is.)

-

Wolfgang goes out for dinner by himself that night. He orders Indian food.

-

“You can’t avoid this forever, you know,” Nomi says right as Wolfgang gets out of the shower. She’s sitting on his bed, of course, and he’s naked (of course) because apparently the time when his… mindmates need him always happens to be when he’s got literally nothing on.

“I’m not avoiding anything.” He shrugs.

“Why are you men all like this?” Nomi shakes her head. “I can _feel_ what you’re feeling Wolfgang. And, I think I’ve had a good enough share of my own self-hatred to know that’s exactly what this is. Come on, sit down.”

Wolfgang looks at her for two full seconds before just shrugging and sitting down beside her. He long ago decided that when it came to matters concerning his mindmates or his cluster or whatever they’re calling it, he’ll just go with whatever flow happens to be the strongest.

“I get it.” Nomi says.

“Get what?” Wolfgang asks, because he really doesn’t want to deal with this.

“Why you’re avoiding Kala. And quite frankly the rest of us. I’m surprised I was even able to show up here. Have you figured out how to block people out? No, that’s not why we’re having this conversation! Next time, Nomi –“ Wolfgang smiles at Nomi while she keeps voicing her thoughts out loud and it’s enough to get her to stop talking.

“Why are you smiling? What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Wolfgang says. “I just see now why Amanita fell in love with you.” At that Nomi blushes. “That’s – ha! Oh gosh, if I tell her that she’ll never shut up she loves all of you guys so much, you know? She’s been so good to me, I mean she was always so _good_ to me, but after this I just… I never realized how much loving someone could affect me you know?”

Wolfgang looks away and thinks of marigolds. “Oh yes,” he says, “I know.” And for the first time in a while he feels like the smile he shares with Nomi is genuine.

-

Felix has been in the private hospital for two weeks before Dr. Müller calls him. “It’s 2am, doc, what’s going on?”

“There’s a woman here.” Dr. Müller says, slightly manic.

“A woman?” Wolfgang gets up in bed, fully awake.

“Yes, a woman. And she won’t leave. She keeps asking to see Felix,  I – I mean Conan, and I don’t even – I don’t know how she even knew his real name I didn’t –“

“What does she look like?” Wolfgang cuts the doc off, and starts putting on his jeans.

“Long black wavy hair, kind eyes, nice smile? Uh…accent, definitely –“

“I’m coming over right now. Don’t worry.” Wolfgang sighs. He knew this was going to happen sooner or later. He walks out of his apartment and goes to face the music.

-

When Wolfgang arrives at the hospital it’s to Dr. Müller’s concern, but he waves him off before he does something stupid like call the cops. Jesus Christ.

When Wolfgang gets to Felix’s room it’s to find out that the extra chair is already occupied and the small portable DVD player he leaves there is being used.

“Hello,” he says when he walks in.

Kala looks up from the movie she’s watching with Felix. “Hello,” she says back.

It’s like this. Wolfgang stares at her while simultaneously trying not to and Kala holds his gaze until he has nothing left to do but crumble underneath it.

“You can’t hide from me forever,” Kala says. Her tone is soft but firm. Strong, like she knew this would happen. Like she anticipated that she’d have to come and see him herself, because he’s too afraid to ever let anything good happen in his life.

He wants to say he wasn’t hiding, wants to say that she just never appeared and he never felt pulled there (but he always did), but he can never lie to her. “I’m sorry,” he says instead, “for thinking I could ever hide from you.”

“You’re damn right.” Kala replies and gets up out of the chair, pausing the movie. She moves closer to him, like a predator stalking their prey, and for the first time in such a long time, Wolfgang has never felt so small before.

“I missed you,” He says and the words feel like they’ve been ripped from his throat. Feel like someone else had taken over his body and said them to her. He can’t miss her. He isn’t allowed too.

“As I missed you.” She replies and it’s so soft and earnest that Wolfgang feels another piece of his heart slot into place for her. She’s too good for him, he knows this (but he wants her anyway.)

Kala reaches out tentatively to touch his face and Wolfgang feels frozen to the spot, the only sound in the room the beep of Felix’s vitals monitor and his own harsh breathing. When her hands touch his skin it feels like he’s been set on fire, like his insides has melted into molten lava, his heart is hammering in his chest and he wants to reach out. Wants to touch her back. But he’s scared. So scared he’s gonna fuck this up and ruin it, destroy the only good thing to ever happen in his life. (Aside from Felix of course.)

He feels her hands on his skin, and feels his own hands on his skin, like a delayed sound out of a microphone, he’s both himself and her at the same time.

Wolfgang reaches out.

His hands feel for her shoulder and she gasps out. He has a moment to think he’s done something terribly wrong before he hears her laugh reverberate inside the room. It’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard.

“Do you – do you feel that?” Kala laughs. “It’s like, I’m both touching and not touching my shoulder. It’s you. But it’s also me.”

“I feel it.” Wolfgang says, and he laughs. For the first time since Felix got shot, since all hell broke loose, since he had the biggest craving for Indian food, he laughs. Wolfgang doesn’t want to think about the bad. He doesn’t want to dwell on his past. He thinks about how Kala flew here, to Berlin of all places, how she tracked down and found out where he kept Felix (he thinks he hears Nomi’s laugh in the back of his mind), and for once in his life, Wolfgang lets himself hope.

He laughs. And it’s never felt more real.

“Let’s go home.” He says to her, without even thinking about it.

Kala smiles at him.

-

When they get back to Wolfgang’s apartment, Kala shouts in glee. “Everything is so beautiful!” She runs straight for the window and looks out at the cityscape. “It’s gorgeous, this view.”

“Mine, too.” Wolfgang says, and Kala gives him a small smile before breaking out into a yawn.

“You’re tired,” he says, “You can use my bed.”

“Oh no, I wouldn’t kick you out of your own bed.”

“I wouldn’t let you sleep on this couch. Who knows what Felix has done to it?”

That gets a loud laugh out of her and she shakes her head. “Fine, we’ll share.”

Wolfgang’s brain short circuits at that. He has no time to process what’s just happened but he definitely agrees.

After they’ve both changed into their sleeping clothes, (well, Kala mostly since Wolfgang sleeps in an underwear), they both lay side by side staring up at his ceiling.

Wolfgang revels in this small piece of heaven. This comfortable silence that exists between them.

“I called off the wedding,” Kala says out loud, eyes still focused on the ceiling. “That’s why I’m here. Took longer than I thought though to get my passport renewed.”

“Oh.” is his reply. He’s simultaneously annoyed and relieved, yet still unsure what this means for the both of them. “Sorry to hear about that.”

“Not me,” Kala says, turning to face him. She reaches out a hand and runs it across his face, the feedback feeling of touch doesn’t seem to be one that will ever not surprise him. “Someone once told me, that life is made up of many horrible things. But there’s some good in there too.” Kala runs a hand down his shoulder. “And that what I want, the good things I want from this life, I have to be prepared to fight for it. Fight everything and anyone.”

Wolfgang can feel Sun’s smug smirk in the back of his mind, and when he sees Kala giggle, he knows she can feel it too.

“I’m sorry.” Wolfgang says, and extends a hand out to brush Kala’s hair from her face. She shivers at the touch.

“Nothing in this world is going to stop me from getting what I want, Wolfgang. Not even you.” She smirks at him and rolls on top of him in one quick movement.

“And what is it that you want?” He asks, voice strained.

“I want happiness. I want life. I want love.”  She grasps his hands tightly. “I want you.”

Wolfgang exhales sharply.

“I wouldn’t marry Rajan because I didn’t love him. And I won’t let the man I do love slip out from between my fingers.”

“Love?” Wolfgang chokes out.

“I know you feel it too.” Kala says, tracing patterns on Wolfgang’s chest.

“I – I –“ Wolfgang flips her so she’s underneath him, and he rolls over so they’re back to laying side by side. “I’m not the nicest guy in the world. I’ve killed people, Kala. And I – I –“ Wolfgang stops himself. “I don’t know if I know how to love someone as good as you.”

 “I don’t know if I know how to love someone either. But, for you, I’m willing to try.” She laughs as she holds Wolfgang’s hand tighter.

“I think for you,” Wolfgang starts, trying to find the words, “I’m willing to try too.”

“Good.” Kala says before kissing him on the mouth.

“Good.” Wolfgang repeats, smiling against her lips.

-

When Wolfgang wakes up the next day, it’s to the soft humming of the intro to the same song from the bar he sang at. He opens his eyes and is met with the sight of Kala, hair mussed and an unbelievably big smile on her face.

“Good morning, sunshine.” She says, kissing his cheek. When Wolfgang rubs at his eyes he sees not only Kala there, but Lito, Nomi, Sun, Capheus, Riley and even Will.

“We were all just talking,” Kala says, “saying good morning and goodnight.”

“Hey there, buddy,” Will says. He seems genuinely happy to see Wolfgang. “It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.”

“It’s been a while since we’ve all been together.” Nomi says.

“I’m glad we’re all here.” Capheus laughs, “I love this, all of us.”

“Me too.” Sun says from the corner.

Wolfgang sits up better in bed, and watches how Kala and the other six continue chatting about their lives and loves, watches as how Sun gives Lito advice for more believable stunt work, how Capheus tells Nomi if she ever needs to drive somewhere to let him know, and how Will butts in to Capheus and Nomi’s conversation to go over the perils of illegal driving maneuvers.

Wolfgang starts laughing, loud and boisterous, the sound filling up his small bedroom. It gets the others to stop talking and he’d almost be embarrassed if it wasn’t for how happy he was.

“What’s so funny?” Riley asks.

“Nothing,” Wolfgang replies. “I just… realized I had a family all along.”

That gets a chorus of ‘ahhs’ from everyone and a kiss on the lips from Kala.

“It’s time for us to go, guys,” Nomi says, trying not to be obvious. It’s okay, Wolfgang will do it for her. “Yes, be gone.” He says, but there’s not heat behind it.

When he breaks away from his kiss with Kala, however, they are alone.

“I love you.” He says. “I love you. I love all of you.”

She clasps his hands tight, runs her lips down his neck. “I know,” she says. “I know.”


End file.
